Is a man’s face more important than his body?

Men – whether they are straight, bisexual, homosexual, or something else – are known for placing a lot of importance on appearance.

Many men who are into men certainly believe that having a good body is important, yet many of them think a man’s face is more important than his body.

This Reddit discussion shows a good variety of perspectives on what makes a man attractive, but a noticeable number of commenters believe that a man’s face is at least as important as his body.

Personally, I am more impressed and attracted to a good body, especially for hookups.  For everything else, I am more of total package kind of man.

A man is born with his face, but his body is determined to a significant extent by the effort he puts into it. Sure, some men have more favorable genetics than others, but a decent body requires a fair amount of effort, regardless of genetics. A really good body requires a significant amount of effort, regardless of genetics.

Given how out of shape people can be these days, many people obviously do not like to exercise (pun intended) much control over their bodies, and that I do not find attractive.

When I have seen men say they consider another man’s face to be more important than his other attributes, they usually do not offer much explanation why they think the face is more important.

If you think a man’s face is one of his most important attributes, share with us why in a comment.

Why you aren’t meeting anybody: Open to all but with specific preferences

I am always amused when a profile states a specific preference and follows that preference with “but open to all”.  For example, I recently read the profile of a man that says “Really like younger latin men but open to all”.

If you are “open to all”, then what is the point of listing such specific preferences?  When I see profiles that list “preferences” for something I am not, I don’t give the owner of the profile any further consideration, even if the profile says “but open to others”.

The only people who are going to be interested in others who openly state preferences for something they are not are people who:

  1. are desperate
  2. don’t have much other choice  (e.g. very unattractive, live in remote areas, lack transportation)
  3. have poor self worth

I don’t know of anybody who actually wants to hook up with, be friends with, or date people who are desperate.   People with poor self worth are usually too much hassle for anything other than a hookup.

The worst of such preferences are for things that people cannot control such as skin color and age.

Saying “I prefer but am open to…” is not so bad if the preferences are for things that people can control like smoking or using drugs.

A common complaint among users of web sites and mobile apps that are for dating and hooking up is that they have trouble finding people who actually want to meet in person.

If you say in your profiles that you are open to a variety of men, but you also have rather narrow preferences listed, and you find yourself having trouble finding people who are mutually interested and actually meet up with you in person, then you just might be the reason why you are not meeting anybody.

Saying “I prefer a specific type of person but am open to all” might as well be written as “I might show interest in you if you are not what I really want, but don’t be surprised if showing interest in me ends up being a waste of your time because you are not actually what I am looking for.”

Even if you are not having trouble finding people, some really hot man who is not within your specific preferences but who is still of interest to you might read your profile and decide to move to the next person.

In other words, think about how your profile comes across to other people, and don’t shoot yourself in your foot.

Profiles that contain images not of the owner

a wall as seen in some profiles
a wall as seen in some profiles

What do you think of gay sites and apps that allow members to upload images that are not of themselves?  Some sites/apps have pretty strict image rules that prohibit images of anything other than the owner of the profile.  Others allow pretty much any images as long as they are not obscene, illegal, et cetera.

My personal preference is for requiring that all uploaded images be of the person uploading them.

One reason is that when chatting with somebody more than once, remembering who that person is is a lot harder if he does not have a picture of himself in his profile.  Pictures of inanimate objects, scenery, et cetera can sort of make remembering a person easier, but remembering somebody is easiest when you know what they actually look like.

I also have found that men who show themselves – particularly their faces – are less flaky and more worth your time than men who are headless torsos or who hide behind what I call “nonsense” pictures.

One app in particular that has a mostly-anything-goes image policy has an unbelievable amount of profiles with images of floors and walls.  I have never seen so many closeups of walls in one place.  Seriously!  Does this actually get anybody results?  Do some people plan on putting a bag over their head if/when they meet in person?  If so, please tell us about it in a comment below.

Fire alarm Halloween costume

Somebody totally needs to the create the gay version of this which would be a shirtless man with a fire alarm pull station over his crotch and “Pull in case of emergency” painted on his chest with a down arrow.

A more elaborate costume could have a pull station over the crotch, a horn strobe over the chest, and “Pull in case of emergency” painted on the back with an arrow that wraps around to the crotch.

I bet such a costume would be very popular at a party or other event full of gay men.

Have you been using the same pictures for years?

If you are new or somewhat new to hooking up online, beware:  The pictures you see in some people’s profiles are OLD.

Sometimes you know this because some pictures have date stamps that are from years ago or because the images are mirror selfies taken using mobile phones that people stopped using ages ago.

One hookup site used to add its logo as a watermark over every uploaded image, and you can still find profiles with pictures with this watermarked logo.

Often times, though, the only way to know that the images in a profile are old is to have been on the site/app for a long time.

Perhaps unsurprisingly, many of these old pictures are of men who are rather attractive.

You can probably safely assume that such people are going to be bad lays if they don’t care that their pictures are obviously years old because if they are too lazy to update their profile once in a while, then they are probably lazy in many other ways.

If you are using old pictures in your profile, please comment (completely anonymously, if you like) and tell us why.

Are your pictures of you when you were in much better shape?

Do you have current pictures in your profile, but you have one or two old images that you or other people really like?

Do you just not care about bothering with updating your pictures?

Some other reason?

Getting laid: Don’t make a man wait

Before hooking up with a man for the first time, do you prefer to engage in conversation with him a lot first, or do you prefer to go more directly to meeting up and getting naked?

A number of men prefer some combination of chatting online or through text messaging, then talking on the phone or through video chat, then meeting in public and talking more, then meeting some place private and talking more before finally caving in to their carnal desires.

My experience is that the more of all that somebody requires, the more likely you are to end up having that person flake out and waste your time.  We all know men are horny, and a man who is serious about getting laid is not going to spend time chit chatting about nothing and making you trade pictures and engage in other boner softening activities.

If your goal is to have sex, then don’t make a man wait.  Making a man wait is not arousing or sexy to him, and you run the risk of his mind wandering so that by time you do get to the action, he may not be in the best place mentally and physically anymore, and at that point he is going to care more about getting himself off and a lot less about you getting off.  If you have sex with a man after making him needlessly wait and the sex is lackluster, it’s your own damn fault.

For these same reasons, once we meet in person, the sooner our clothes come off, or at least the sooner we touch each other, the less awkward things are.  Going straight to the action also helps preserve the mystery and fun of getting with somebody new.

One thing I have observed is that introverts tend to be easier lays.   Introverts are less likely to yak your ears off and make you go through hoops to get laid.

I remember one man with whom I hooked up.  We chatted very briefly online, and then I went straight over to his house.  He answered the door, I stepped inside, we said hi to each other, and then he pulled me toward him and started kissing me.  He pulled me forward with such enthusiasm that I accidentally stepped on his foot, but he didn’t really react and kept making out with me.  Now that was a hot start, and I ended up spending the night, and the whole time was a really great lay.

If you feel like you need to get to know somebody and go through bureaucratic procedures before getting naked with them, then get over it.  Sex is a perfectly good way of starting the process of knowing somebody.   Sex may be only one way you come to know a person, but it is a very important way of learning about somebody.  You can always sit around talking later.